social connection Archives

Why having work friends is important

As I drove through the city this morning, I started reminiscing about my work friends and all the fun times we had in the office. For me, having friends at work is the most crucial element to a happy working life. When my social life is in balance, I feel a sense of connection and belonging to something outside of myself.

I recently listened to a Harvard Business Review podcast called Why Work Friends are Worth It by Shasta Nelson, relationship expert and author. It was an engaging podcast which really got me thinking. Why is social connection at work so important? What makes a work friendship last? How can we practise social connection whilst working remotely?

What is social connection?

The concept of social connection is about fulfilling our psychological needs to feel close to other people, validated and the feeling that you belong to a group. Our sense of connection has certainly been put to the test by COVID-19, working remotely the need to practise social distancing. Perhaps we should have referred to it as ‘physical distancing’ rather than ‘social distancing’ from the beginning? During these challenging times, I feel it is more important than ever, that we lean in to our social connections, not shy away from them.

Why is social connection at work important?

Humans are social beings – we are meant to connect and relate to one another. A sense of belonging is one of our basic psychological needs for survival. Feeling needed by others inspires us to be the best version of ourselves and to stay mentally healthy.

Research shows that having friends at work really matters. Gallup research revealed that employees who feel strong social connections at work have higher levels of wellbeing and engagement compared to those who do not. When employees have work friends their happiness levels are bound to increase, they will experience greater job satisfaction, be more engaged and take fewer sick days.

In September 2020, the Australian Bureau of Statistics conducted the Household Impact of COVID-19 Survey. The survey revealed that loneliness was the most widely reported source of personal stress for Australians. It shows that the way we are living our lives is not working. Many of us are missing that feeling of being close to people.

What are the foundations of a healthy work friendship?

Ms Nelson says that the best relationships, including work friendships, are built on three pillars: consistency, vulnerability and positivity.

Positivity – should be the basis of a healthy relationship. According to Ms Nelson, one of the biggest drivers of positivity in the workplace is gratitude, appreciation and celebration. She says the key is for people, either as an individual or collectively, to feel better about themselves, their team and their role within the organisation;
Consistency – the two drivers of consistency are proximity and spontaneity. Ms Nelson acknowledges that consistency is a lot more difficult whilst people are working remotely. We are no longer running into people in the office hallway, having coffee catch ups or sitting next to our colleagues; and
Vulnerability – according to Ms Nelson, ‘vulnerability is not necessarily all about personal disclosure but about feeling seen for who you are’. It is about getting to know each other incrementally. She believes that to have an inclusive workplace you need to have vulnerability.

How can we practise social connection?

For many of us still working remotely, you are likely craving the social interaction you once had in the office. COVID-19 is triggering a natural inclination for us to draw close to one another. Here are a few ideas to practise social connection whilst working remotely:

Stay connected with people who energise you. Is there a work friend that you would like to have more interaction with? Be intentional about connections and schedule in regular video catch ups – organise a virtual coffee, lunchtime walk or a Friday night drink to celebrate the end of the week;
Look for opportunities to connect with people throughout the day. Have a chat with your local barista (rather than scrolling through social media on your iPhone), call people instead of texting or ask a friend to join you for a lunch time walk;
Be extra neighbourly. Research shows that neighbourly trust and connection boosts your health. Smile, wave and say hello to people in your neighbourhood, share produce from your garden, swap a favourite recipe, or throw a socially distanced happy hour;
Move together. Plan walk-and-talk meetings; do an online workout together or schedule an online dance party with friends;
Host a virtual games night. Organise a few work friends or your team for a trivia night. Make your own snacks, divide up into teams and get ready for some friendly competition;
Throw your own film festival. Who says you need to be in the same room as your friends or family to enjoy a film together? Netflix has introduced Teleparty (formerly Netflix Party), which allows people to link up with friends and host long-distance movie nights; and
Try something new. Use the time to get creative and try something new – learn a musical instrument, start an impromptu virtual book club, try a new exercise class or call friends whilst taking virtual tours together (e.g. museums, Zoo and national parks).

Social connections shape your everyday life and wellbeing. Forming strong and healthy relationships with others means actively listening and being open to sharing what you are going through. Staying connected does take time and effort; an effort that will pay dividends into the future for your personal wellbeing.

Belinda Furse – Nutrition Health Coach, Senior Lawyer and Mum to two young children.

6 top tips to help combat loneliness in the workplace

As I went for my early morning walk along the river, I searched for a new Podcast to listen to. I turned to the Harvard Business Review and discovered a HBR IdeaCast called ‘Another Workplace Crisis: Loneliness‘ by Dr Vivek Murthy, a former U.S. Surgeon General.

It was such an interesting podcast which really got me thinking. Why is loneliness such a big health issue? How does being lonely affect your work performance? What are workplaces doing to combat loneliness during COVID-19?

What is loneliness?

Dr Murthy states that prior to the COVID-19 pandemic we were up against a different type of epidemic – the epidemic of loneliness. But what exactly is loneliness? Dr Murthy says

‘Loneliness is the feeling that the connections that we need in life are greater than the social connections we are experiencing right now’.

According to Dr Murthy, loneliness is not something new – it is a feeling that people have experienced for generations. Loneliness is extremely common. In fact, studies have shown that loneliness in Australia affects around 25% of the population. It is interesting to note that loneliness is not something that only affects the older generation. According to Dr Murthy, one of the greatest peaks of loneliness seems to be early in adolescence and early adulthood.

As a nutrition health coach and an extremely social being, I have always appreciated the importance of a healthy social life. As human beings, we are meant to connect and relate to one another. When my social life is in balance, I feel a sense of connection and belonging to something outside of myself. A sense of belonging is one of our basic psychological needs for survival. Feeling needed by others, inspires us to be the best versions of ourselves and to stay mentally healthy.

Why is loneliness such a big health issue?

Studies show that social isolation has been a growing problem in Australia for years and has a massive negative impact on our health and wellbeing and productivity. Dr Murthy explained that loneliness places us in a stress state and stress states (when they are temporary) can be performance enhancing. However, when we experience loneliness for prolonged periods of time the chronic stress can cause greater levels of inflammation in our body, which can result in damaged tissues and blood vessels. Dr Murthy believes this could be one of the reasons we see a strong association between loneliness and the risk of heart disease, anxiety, depression, dementia and even a shortening of lifespan.

How does being lonely affect our work performance?

Most of us are spending around one third of our lives at work. A degree of loneliness in the workplace is higher than one would expect. Presently, many of us are remote working every day. We have been physically removed from all of our colleagues. The COVID-19 pandemic has placed an extraordinary amount of stress on people and also on their families. Whilst working from home, it has become almost impossible to completely shut off ourselves emotionally and draw an impermeable dividing line between our work and home life. It is inevitable that what is happening in our personal lives affects our work performance.

According to Dr Murthy, physical distancing can either deepen the problem of loneliness or it could be an opportunity to step back and appreciate the power and importance of our connections. We can be intentional about re-designing our lives and how we value our current relationships. Dr Murthy believes COVID-19 is highlighting how central our relationships are, the people that we love and also the people in our community. I think it is important to recognise that we are all struggling and being imperfect is being a human being. When we help another person, we form a bond and reaffirm to ourselves that we have value to give to the world.

Dr Murthy asked two simple questions:

Do you feel like you have a best friend at work?; or

Do you feel that you have someone at work that you can confide in and be yourself with?

He believes that the answer to these questions is strongly correlated with the degree of engagement that someone has in the workplace. This engagement also affects your productivity, creativity and retention in the workplace.

How can workplaces help to combat this trend of loneliness?

There are a number of ways workplaces can help combat the feeling of loneliness:

Show a genuine interest in people’s lives – whilst working from home, people are trying to juggle work, family responsibilities, home schooling and exercise. Take an interest in these aspects of your colleagues lives by providing opportunities for them to be understood as individuals. The best functioning teams have a culture of trust, empathy and compassion in which employees feel they can safely and openly talk about themselves and their personal challenges;
Leaders need to be emotionally vulnerable – employees want to feel confident that the leaders in their organisation are competent and can guide them through the COVID-19 crisis. However, employees also want to see that their leaders are human beings, can be emotionally vulnerable and can relate to the struggles that they might be facing;
Encourage strong relationships – you cannot force people to become friends in the workplace. However, you can certainly encourage them to connect and form bonds. As we relate to each other, we can appreciate our uniqueness and realise that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses. We recognise that each and every one of us has something that we are working on and that no one is perfect. Organise fun team building activities, trivia nights, a monthly book club or other inclusive virtual social events;
Create opportunities for your team to get to know each other – this involves creating opportunities for people to get to know each other outside of their roles at work. Dr Murthy recommends a simple no cost team exercise which involves dedicating five minutes of your weekly meeting to learning about each other’s lives (a team member can share photographs, stories, sporting interests, childhood dreams etc). This creates an opportunity for increased connection and more engagement amongst the team;
Active listening to build relationships – it is important to come from a place of kindness, empathy and compassion. The most powerful tools we have for changing the workplace and embedding a culture of connection is the small acts of kindness. If a colleague is struggling, take time to call and ask how they are going and ensure you actively listen to the answer. According to Dr Murthy, one of the most important things we can do to build relationships with each other is to listen actively and with our full attention; and
Prioritise one-to-one catch ups – if you are a leader or manager, make sure you prioritise your one-to-one catch ups. These should provide a safe space for employees to open up, share their feelings and personal struggles without the fear of judgment. Use them as an opportunity to discuss issues beyond the realm of your normal work tasks.

Social connection is crucial for a healthy mind, body and spirit. Remember to honour yourself and choose the appropriate level of solitude and social interaction that brings you the most joy and balance in your life.

Belinda Furse – Nutrition Health Coach, Senior Lawyer and Mum to two young children.